Grandma Belle

I've been wanting to do this post for some time now and not too sure why I've been putting it off. It might just be that I didn't think I could express on paper (well, computer) just how I really feel. So here I am giving it a try.

On April 21, 2010, at 7:30am I received a phone call from my mom letting me know that my grandma Belle Forsyth Smith had passed away at the age of 96. Yes, we all knew it was going to come but no matter, the news still rattled my heart.

I remember while living in New Jersey I secretly wished she would still hang on with each breath so that when Chad had graduated from NYU and it was time for us to head back to Canada that she would be around so I could spend some time with her. When we arrived back home last summer, we had a family event out at the ranch where I grew up and where my grandma and Aunts were now living. It had been over 3 years since I had spent any time with my grandma and I was very anxious to see her. As my aunts led me into her bedroom they had mentioned how her health had really declined and that she would most likely be asleep. As I entered the bedroom my heart stopped. As I looked over the bedrail at my frail grandma Belle tears began to drop as I realized just how bad of shape she was in. I had never seen her in such a helpless state before. Immediately my secret wish had changed from a life for my grandma to a different life where she would feel no pain.

Days before the funeral, my sister and I, husbandless, decided to drive the 12 hours up to Canada together with our kids so that we could make it to the funeral. It was a long drive but in the end it was worth every hour. It was great to be with family and to really celebrate my grandma's life. There is just so much comfort in replaying a loved one's life and remembering all the wonderful things they did and said that touched your's.

I can't remember if it was a day or if it was two before the funeral but I got a phone call from my aunts who had a special request. It was definately one I didn't see coming. A request that when immediately spoken had brought tears to my eyes. My aunts had asked if my sister, Shaneen, and I would be willing to be pallbearers with my brothers, my dad and uncles. Wow, that was a tough one to swallow. I was very hesitant as I knew that it would be a very emotional thing to do and I'm pretty sure I would have a tough time holding it together. After, a moment or two of silence, I hesitantly agreed.

The funeral was beautiful and couldn't have been more perfect but when it was time to carry the casket my nerves were shot. Thankgoodness for a father who knew when it was time to put his arm around a daughter's shoulder. One, two, three . . . we hoisted the casket up and yes, I lost it. I don't know who's blubbering noises were louder, mine or my sister's, but we did it. Even though I was a mess, what an honour that was to be able to perform such an act. It is truly one that I will never forget.



I don't know why I've been thinking so much about my grandma this week and missing her like crazy but one thing I know is that I am so blessed to have been able to have had her be such a big part of my life. I miss her smile, I miss her peanut butter and honey sandwiches, I miss shelling peas in the back yard with her, I miss driving by her home and seeing her playing in her garden in her red puff jacket, I just miss her!

Before I wrap this entry up, I just wanted to thank two very special people. My Aunt Susan and Aunt Marcheta. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a pallbearer. It was emotionally challenging but an experience I will treasure forever. But more importantly, thank you for the years of hours and hours that were spent taking care of grandma. I'm sure it wasn't easy and that there were a million other things you could have been doing but instead you put your lives on hold. I'm positive a nice reward in heaven awaits you both for the selfless sacrifices you made daily for the mother you loved dearly. You are both amazing women and I only hope that I can follow your examples and in doing so become a better person. Thank you again, I love you!